random

School is only a week away. although i dun really relish the tot of another sem of studying, a part of me wants that day to come faster. So far ive been doing nothing at home but watch videos, play old games and lie on the bed and play dead. It's boring. it's depressing.  It's pathetic. Being cooped up in the house all day with no plans to do anything does things to the mind. I have lost my forward vision, which is, my ability to look forward to the future. all ive been thinking of recently have been about the past. when i think of happy times my heart aches for it. when i think about bad times i dread the day it will happen again. all in all, thinking about the past is bad for the mind, soul and body. but for some reason it is addictive. depression is addictive. i dunno y but it just is. i really need to get out of this funk and start doing smt meaningful. but i am too involved in reminiscing that i ve lost all motivation to do anything else. and my flu is definitely not helping me. i need my exercise. i am a guy who generates alot of "energy" inside him and if that energy is not released in some form or another i go into some form of maniacal depression that makes me do stupid and crazy stuff.... which was wad i did after my previous post... but its ok. cos i dun give a dam about it anymore. and it sort of made me feel better. well, at the expense of some other person i guess but yea... it felt good.... ok now i feel kinda bad about it... maybe i shld go apologize... but then that would mean admitting that i am wrong so... man. this is insane. i am not about to go arguing with myself now this is stupid. ok imma just forget about this whole thing and go for another run tmr, regardless of whether my lungs still wans to suffocate me with its over production of lime green phlegm. nights and sorry to person who will probably never read this.