unresolved issues

hi guys, guess wad my second brother's pm was yesterday?

"walao so now im the head of the household, nice nice. my parents are having fun in osaka now -.-"

just to update u guys, my parents left on fri night to japan for some company trip and are now back in sg. 

anyway regarding the statement above, it really speaks to show wad kind of person my brother is. responsible and proactive. these are really good traits to have! even i as the eldest in the family sometimes envy him for that. it does not take a expert to know y my parents are so proud of him. He was the one who, together with my youngest brother went to wash and hang the clothes while my parents was away. i myself am quite laid back, i have enuf clothes *all my ns shorts and singlets ;)* to last me till my parents return home so i did not bother with doing of laundry. everything went well until my parents came home just now. well, except for that statement above.

dun get me wrong, i have nothing against him declaring himself as head of the household. well, other than feeling that he is kinda prideful. Then again, wad do u expect from someone who posts his O level grades on his blog? *think he got 7 points, he is really smart* the statement actually reminded me of a quite recent incident that happen last dec when we were on a holiday in japan. to put things shortly, he started shouting at me about how i did not fulfill my role as a elder brother and all, never help carry the luggage bags when we were moving around. u know i was quite shocked by his reaction. u see, all along during trip, he was the one rushing to carry the luggage. like when we just got off the tour bus, he immediately rushes to the door and gets the luggage etc. i was seriously in the state of wtf?? As i had put it then, "u ownself go and wayang and carry the bags, then nth for me to carry, then u get all angry at me for not being as wayang as u?" It did not make sense then it still does not make sense now. If u are so happy assuming responsibility, then y get so worked up?

In case you guys still dun get what i am trying to get, i just feel that perhaps my brothers still has this issue of the unresolved angst. perhaps he feels that i as the eldest brother am not fulfilling the role that he has in mind. perhaps he feels indignant that he is also washing my clothes with his.  I do not understand this at all. y would someone try so hard to be the first to volunteer to do something and then get angry over it? it is not as if i rejected his cry for help or refused to help or anything. it is really beyond me.

but then again, i could be thinking too much. which i doubt so. 

some covers

hi guys, today was wai mun's birthday party and i got bored while waiting for kin and wei sian to arrive. And so i did covers of 3 songs! =) yea i know... they not 1 of the best covers around but hey, effort counts right? lol

oya i also used a headphone + mike set *its my brother's, dun ask lol* to record this time so that the audio is louder. does not necessarily make the audio better though. the headphone sux, i'm just using the mike.


lol i look kok eye, because of the freaking small words!!! but bo bian if not i will need to keep shifting down the tablature. also i realized that my voice is kinda low for this song *and the next*... dam! this song *and the next* is hard to sing!


i skipped out the one of the best verse of the song because i cannot sing two voices at once *go hear the original* =(

"Chaque fois que tu ton va

Je pretend que tu fois bien" 

hehehe no more kok eye now... yea i'm awesome B-)


anyway i haven give up on the idea of forming a band yet but it is kinda diff to coordinate. everyone is busy on days others are free. kinda makes me want to whine about annoying this situation is but.... oh well....

my 21st birthday

went to st games on my birthday. the rest, as they say, is history.

FYI youtube has a privacy setting such that only ppl who have the link can view the video. this means that u cannot find the video by googling or searching on youtube. if u still have a problem with me posting on my blog say nicely =)

song of the week

Till I get over you - Michelle Branch

everytime i feel alone
i can blame it on you
and i do
you got me like a loaded gun,
golden sun,
and skies so blue

we both know
that we want it
but we both know
you left me no choice

chaque fois que tu t'en vas
you just bring me down
je pretends que tout va bien
so I'm counting my tears
till I get over you

sometimes i watch the world go by
i wonder what it was like
to wake up every single day, smile on your face
you never try

we both know
we can't change it
but we both know
we'll just have to face it

chaque fois que tu t'en vas
you just bring me down
je pretends que tout va bien
so I'm counting my tears
till I get over you

if only i could give you up
would i want to let you
off of this soapbox, baby?

we both know
that we want it
but we both know
you left me no choice

chaque fois que tu t'en vas
you just bring me down
je pretends que tout va bien
so I'm counting my tears
till I get over you

chaque fois que tu t'en vas
je pretends que tout va bien

we both know
that i'm not over you

i'm not over you
--------------------------------------

omg i randomed this song and now its stuck in my head! quite an old song, was sent to me by traces in J1, but it is AWESOME!!! i especially like the part when she goes "you just bring me down~~" and the she just drops her pitch/voice/tone?? down all the waaay. why cant ppl do that without auto-tune nowadays??

yep as usual, awesome songs will be attempted to be played on the guitar. Some chords are pretty uncommon but not that tough =) maybe i will post another video soon lol

unfilial

I'm unfilial.

u better learn to treasure those around u.

there are some things that cannot be undone.

my parents have been very good to me.

and yet i still treat them so coldly.

when i see them, they are like strangers to me.

i cannot help it.

there is nth to talk about.

this habit/belief/value has been ingrained in me for so many years now.

they are strangers who treat me very well.

at times u are grateful.

other times u are weird out.


how do u respond to that?

how do u open ur heart to those that u have shut it off to?

how do u feel sorry for the ppl that u have despised since primary school?

the very ppl u have blamed for robbing ur childhood?


there are some things that cannot be undone.

but in the end, they are the ones who stayed with me.

my parents have been very good to me.

and i better learn to treasure them.

for they are the ones that will never leave me.

hopefully.

The silence isn't so bad
'Til I look at my hands and feel sad
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where you fit perfectly   

It has only been a day but i miss my guitar. i was listening to my cache of music when i suddenly felt like playing the tune. i reached out to side of my bookshelf where i normally hang my guitar, only to grasp nothing but air. not being able to hear the voice of my guitar fills me with great sadness. so sad. so sad. its a sad sad situation =(

im so sad that i am blogging about my sadness.

----------------------------------------
*add* re tuned my old trusty rusty classy guitar for playing!! =)

shady's back, tell a friend

Today, we had to wear office attire for our mgg class. Since we dun usually see each other in formal wear, i brought my camera to take some photos! =D

 ben after drowning his sorrows in alcohol

After this, i took out my shades and hat that i bought yesterday while shopping for king's formal wear. haha freaking waste of money but its dam awesome!!!

guess who's back, back again? sibeh wayang if i must say so myself

 trying to act Micheal Jackson *in the bookshop* oooo the stares hahaha!

 

lol fending off the paparazzi!

meet the celebrity magician!!!

awesome day. After school yi hui came my house to learn how to play the guitar. taught her some simple stuff and she seems pretty good at it! must be her experience playing the zhong ruan. anyway, i lent her my guitar till Friday to practice so that she can get a feel of how playing a guitar is before deciding if she wants to buy guitar for herself. hope she maintains interest so that i will have 1 more potential candidate for my band *in future tense*! =))

too much food!!!

Today i went for steamboat at someplace near beauty world. quite ex and the food wasnt really to my liking. although i tried to control my eating i ended up still eating quite alot cos we ordered too much!

 

Eh only 2 pics, the rest are unglam shots of the others. anyway we ate from 2 30 to about 4 plus? after that i had to rush home cos my parents were bringing us out for dinner... and guess wad we were having? .... thats right! we were going to a buffet restaurant!!! we arrived at about 7 and i was still quite full as the steamboat lunch was rather late.... but look at all the good food!!! how can u NOT gorge urself dead??

 

There were more food of cos but these are the only ones that i spammed myself with. ate until stomach wan to frigging explode! argh!!! i wan more chocolate fondue!!!! cursed small stomach!!!

btw i drank 2 cups of cuppachino and but i still feel tired zzz

i look back at my previous posts and realized that i am reeking of negativity.temper has been short lately, losing my patience with many minor things. its as if my soul has fallen sick. when i blog i feel like typing negative stuff. other ppl's negativity are also affecting me more easily now. i laugh and smile and joke when i am out, but withdrawal symptoms start to set in after i go home. just feel like smt is missing. i suppose this illness will pass soon. its probably just the month u know? maybe its the side effect of the anti fungal medicine that i have been taking for a month. either way i had better keep my mouth shut this month, in case i start offending ppl. either way, pls keep negativity and stressful situations away from me, its more contagious than u think.

speaking of the fungal medicine, i went for my scheduled check up today. so far no new shrooms have been popping out so the doctor *and I* was quite pleased. He then said that he will treat me for acne now. 2 months treatment. he gave me new medicine, oral and topical, and told me to discontinue the treatment for fungus.

"after u start this medication, u will not get any pimples at all for the duration of the treatment." that statement made my day =)

anyway i am so glad that i can cease using the anti fungal body wash. not only do i have to apply it 2 times a day, the application of it is so freaking tedious. first u have got to take a bath, after which u apply it, and then leave it on for 10 mins. that is 10 freaking mins of standing butt naked in the toilet and counting the seconds. now imagine doing that early in the morning, say 6 30am.  when the time is up, rinse completely. yea easier said than done cos it has the texture of oil. after that i still have to wipe my body completely dry and apply another cream *yea, the doctor was not taking any chances when prescribing medicine* which also has the texture of toothpaste except oilier.

Come to think of it, that explains my lack of patience for the past few days...

P.S. realized that all my medicine have been labeled as poison, even the oral ones... cool! i'm taking poison! =)

*This is an old post*

i remember y i quit guitar ensemble in jc. the teachers and seniors there kept pestering me to keep practicing and memorizing stupid songs *chinese new year song wtf??*. I had no music background while most ppl who joined had at least some. well, i had memorized how to play the moonlight sonata during my spare time but that was it. besides it was just pure memory work. during the guitar sessions i felt pressured and demoralized. It was then that i told myself that i would never be able to learn how to play the guitar. It was then i quit. I then tried out CO playing the er hu for a while. after a while i gave that up too. Spending 2hrs + in a small room just practicing simple tunes that sounded like crap was not my cup of tea. I then convinced myself that i had no skill in music at all.

During the second year of my ns life, my frens suddenly started learning how to play the guitar. yea it was cool and i wanted to learn too. however i had already convinced myself that i had no skill in it, so i didnt try. well, other than randomly plucking strings to create dissonance noise and then calling it haunting music. after losing money from being scammed or by irresponsible ignorance, i grew weary of the tuition business so i decided to call it quits. I had nothing to do so i decided to spend my free time in camp learning how to play my first song on guitar "wonderwall"

the song sounded pretty good on guitar, and i was inspired to carry on. i took my old rusting classical guitar out of storage and practiced. whenever i was free i just took up the guitar and played it, be it in camp or at home. I was basically memorizing and it wasnt that easy, but there is smt about hearing urself playing pleasing music that makes u wan to continue. And so i played. from "wonderwall" to "i'm yours" to many other simple yet popular songs. Nobody wanted to sing with my guitar playing so i learned how to strum and sing at the same time. Slowly but surely, i improved and became wad i am today. Not good but not a biginner either. Basically a novice.

SO wad am i trying to mean here? basically today's events have lead me to recall how i picked up the guitar and so typed it out so that i can think clearer.

I had this idea of forming a band since the end of last semester. So i had made plans for ppl to try "jamming" in my house today after school. However they suddenly kept saying oh not free la next week then go, stuff like that. i was kinda irritated but i supposed it was my fault for not confirming again beforehand. anyway in the end they came my house. but the session was kinda a flop. some did not practice, others did not show interest. i was disappointed and annoyed at the same time.

However, it then came to my mind that these ppl do not share the same passion of forming a band as me. passion is impt. Passion was wad enabled me to start the tuition business. it was wad led me to continue playing my guitar although i sucked at it. it is passion that drives us to be great at things we thought is impossible. pressure by other ppl only serves to extinguish the fire, as my time in guitar ensemble had done. as much as i would like to share my excitement of creating a band to others, it is their own passion to contribute to the band that will be self sustaining and more effective.

So i have decided not to keep reminding ppl to practice or tell them to go someone's house to play together as a band. I do not want to be the one who kill off any existing passion for playing. I will merely suggest. if that suggestion makes ur senses tingle with excitement, then that will be great. if not, i will stay silent and wait, and look forward to the day u guys want to help me with my "band".

Summer has come and passed

*this is an old post*

September

The month that promises great things but then lets u down.

My birthday is coming soon. gonna turn 21 in a few weeks time. as i draw closer to the fateful day. my heart grows heavier. the year is ending and i am going to be a year older. what have i accomplished so far? And so i start to reminiscence about my past. present. future. In those days, no matter how bad i feel, there is always someone whom i can turn too. Basically they were my friends. it was motivating and spurring. but now, none of that remains. i may have more frens than before, but yet, it dosen feel the same. there is a fear in me that is slowly eating me. As i continue my path down memory lane, the more i feel that i am, and probably have always been, alone. I dun feel any sense of achievement. only a sense of emptiness as i realize what i have lost. broken dreams and broken relationships weigh my heart down and a certain fear starts to manifest. who can i really trust?

I am so fearful now that i totally reek of fear. why is the 21st birthday so important? why are ppl putting so much emphasis on it?? Why?? I dunno. i am not gonna have a celebration for my birthday. well, at least not a big 1. And the reason may be fck up but it is the reason. i do not wish to count how many ppl i truly trust now. i fear that if i do so, i may realize that there is actually no one. i want to believe that everyone i know is trustworthy. not everyone is only looking out for themselves and that everybody whom i deem a friend treats me as one too. Perhaps it is naive, perhaps its childish, perhaps i am just thinking too much. However just the thought alone makes me nauseous. 



The more i think about it, the more i wonder if i'm are going crazy. therefore this is nth but a desperate bid to preserve my sanity.

September

please wake me up when September ends.

_____________________________________

when i am busy and ppl ask me out, i do my best to say yes. i sacrifice my personal time such as exercising and playing games/guitar to go to these gatherings, and then when i am free, no one else seems to be. Not only that, but almost everyone has smt going on at the last min. not that i'm blaming anyone for being occupied 21/7. Its probably just me and that my whole life is just so slack and boring that i have to cater to ppl who are leading so much more meaningful lives than myself. Sure, gyming is meaningless. i mean how can it be compared to doing assignments, mugging, going out on dates and making money? there is nothing for me to be upset about right??  why, i am actually wasting my life away while others are actually taking up responsibilities and making the world a better place! why the hell am i even cursing, swearing and ranting?? In fact, ppl shld be upset with me complaining instead of counting my blessings! perhaps i shld just get a job, u know, a life or just mug my life away. perhaps i shld just shut the hell up and appreciate the slackness of my redundant existence. or maybe perhaps i shld just stop looking forward to our next meetings and assume that we are never going to meet again and be pleasantly surprised when we do.

blog stats

i was just checking on my blog dashboard just now when i suddenly noticed this option called stats. so i clicked it and whoa! there was a graph that showed the traffic since January. anyway it had a whole bunch of information like which post recieved how many views etc etc. but i tot the most interesting part was the audience section which u can see belowww *look down* *stop reading this paragraph* *its below! y u still reading this?!*







hey look! i have been visited by ppl from all around the world! lol. seriously, i doubt the accuracy of this information... anyway, it seems that internet explorer is the browser of choice, followed by.... navigator?? wth is that?? who the hell uses navigator??? lol! hmmm must be those ppl from china or russia.... moving on, we see the stats of pageviews by operating systems. 81% of views by windows *nodds approvingly*, then what the?? macintosh??? siew ling thats u right??? hahaha ok just kidding... dunno y i'm so bias towards apple. then after that is blackberry. must be wenhui i suppose..? right right?? hahaha then after that is other unix, which i supp refers to my android phone *android ftw!!* of cos this is all just speculation lol its kinda fun to guess who is using wad =D

wad no...? k fine i'm just entertaining myself ok??

hey hold on a minute!!! wads this??? an IPAD??? WAD TH!!!

anyway, school started on monday. i have been having morning classes since mon *meaning waking up at 6am each morning* and i am starting to regret it... =.= tired face. so far the lessons have been interesting... i dun foresee any problem with the exception of ugc, which is basically history lessons. Wad? im not even allowed to leave the room to go toilet without losing marks??? but i have a small bladder!! =/

mga202, basically managerial accounting, its kinda like a combination of econs and accounting. it is quite relaxed.... so far lol. i remember last sem, during the FIRST class of financial accounting, lecturer ended session by saying smt like "k guys that will be basically everything from chapter 1, 2 and part of 3, please go back and practice."

mgg, also called career planning, teaches us how to plan our career *duh* and write resumes and do interviews. other than the 3 hour session and the need to wear office attire, i dun really have any qualms bout it. just hope i dun need to cut my hair. please dun please dun please dun >.<

eehh i have another module called mgq but i have totally no idea wad its about. wai mun tells me that it teaches us how to use Microsoft office. lolwut u serious??? guess i will know when i attend the first lesson tmr =/